Paloma Cruz

A nervous tic

I can see my heartbeat… in my right eyelid. More accurately, my eyelid is fluttering to the tune of my heartbeat, showing me my pulse. If I place my finger lightly over it, I can feel it and count it out.

It’s annoying as hell.

This started a few months ago. At first it was once in a few days. Now it’s a few times a day.

I have a nervous tic. WTF???!!!

I read up and “pulsation of the lid it is usually due to stress, fatigue and caffeine intake.” Lovely. I’m not going to reduce my caffeine intake (it’s in the best interest of the safety of the world that that not happen), and my stress isn’t going away. Fatigue… maybe I can do something about fatigue. More sleep would probably be a good thing.

And my eyelid continues doing this fluttery thing… pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse. It doesn’t hurt, but it distracts me. That’s all I needed, one more thing to distract me, one more irritant.

Pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse. In the middle of meetings, as I try to edit videos, while I was recording a TV interview, while trying to focus and take photos… pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse.

Have I mentioned that God hates me?

A good daughter… and a bad daughter

I got tired of being subtle… I volunteered to take my mother to see her mother. I can’t say the words, “You need to see your mother in case the worst happens.” I can’t tell her that she needs to see her mother before she dies, in case she dies. The words just will not erupt from my mouth. There’s a kind of block between what I want to say and the words themselves.

A visit to my mother’s hometown is not on my list of things I want to do. I am well acquainted with my inner selfish tendencies; I have long since accepted my inner voice. In this case it’s telling me that the timing is all wrong… I won’t enjoy the visit at all… I don’t have close emotional ties to that part of my family… I can’t afford the trip… I will be the only person there to provide emotional support (which isn’t my best thing)… I know, in advance I know, that I’m going to regret the trip.

The list of things running through my mind is endless. I hear each and every reason why I don’t want to go, very clearly. I just don’t say them out loud.

It was my idea. I’ve known for weeks that this trip has to happen. I’ve known that my mother won’t go on her own, that I can’t send her by herself. I know that I have to make sure that she goes. I volunteered. It was my idea.

I’m not a bad person for acknowledging that I don’t want to make the trip. But I never considered not making it. I never thought even for a moment that I wouldn’t go. I always knew that I was going to make this trip.

There is a part of me that knows that I want to make the trip for me too… in case the worst happens.

King Cake Recipe for Mardi Gras (video)

I am never ever ever going to make King Cake from scratch. But for those of you who want to give it a try, here’s a recipe from Martha Stewart. (I do love eating Rosca de Reyes, so I will absolutely go out and buy one.)

SOURCE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fCPbk1ei-k

7 Unexpected Ingredients You Might Be Eating For Lunch Today (infographic)

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Garage wars

Dear roommate,

in what world does it make sense that all of us have our cars parked outside overnight in 35-degree weather just because you had to park in the driveway in such a way that not only could no one park in the garage (which was empty overnight) but no one else could park in the drive way either?

And, of course, the spots to the left and the right of the house on this side of the street were taken with your “spare” truck and our other roommate’s car. I can’t park in front of a neighbor’s house because you have yelled at some, and threatened to poison the pets of others.

That is why I parked half on the driveway and half on the grass, ruining your lawn. Maybe next time you won’t be so selfish.

That is all.

Yours truly, Paloma.

Dispose of Used Frying Oil (video)

Video tips from America’s Test Kitchen:

All you need are four plastic bags and an extra pair of hands.

Having trouble viewing this video? Check it out on Youtube!

About America’s Test Kitchen:

America’s Test Kitchen is a real 2,500 square foot test kitchen located just outside of Boston that is home to more than three dozen full-time cooks and product testers. Our mission is simple: to develop the absolute best recipes for all of your favorite foods. To do this, we test each recipe 30, 40, sometimes as many as 70 times, until we arrive at the combination of ingredients, technique, temperature, cooking time, and equipment that yields the best, most-foolproof recipe.

Each week, the cast of America’s Test Kitchen brings the recipes, testings, and tastings from Cook’s Illustrated magazine to life on our public television series. With more than 2 million viewers per episode, we are the most-watched cooking show on public television.
http://www.americastestkitchen.com

I don’t have the right clothes for that!

Is it reasonable to pass up a job opportunity because you don’t want to “dress up” on a regular basis?

I once had a job where I had to wear business gear every day. That means wearing women’s business suits, complete with the low heels and the buttoned up jackets. The job itself was not that bad, I never did enjoy the “costume” required for it.

In fact, I had several jobs like that — a few in corporate America, one in politics. I don’t want another one.

One of the things I like about the job I have now is the fact that I get to be comfortable, or as comfortable as someone in my job can be. But that’s honestly one of the very few things I like about it these days.

So, as I go to a job I like less every day, is it a reasonable response to automatically discard the mere idea of a job that might be better long-term just because I don’t want the inconvenience of dressing up?

I didn’t think so. I’m just not normal and that’s not news.

The “C” Word

My mother finally said the word out loud. We’ve been skirting around it, as if by not saying it we could make it less real. We’ve been using other words, softer words, words that don’t sound so final and so harsh, but we both knew what we were thinking.

“Your grandmother’s cancer is spreading,” she said. “She’s in a lot of pain.”

So far what I know is that my grandmother is in the hospital, being “observed.” They don’t know how serious it is. They don’t know exactly what next steps are. They don’t know what the options are.

We do know she’s in pain. We do know that the growth is growing.

I’ve been nudging my mother, pushing her towards a trip to see her mother. It’s at tricky conversation. I can’t really push, or she’ll refuse to go because I tried to make her go. I can’t neglect to ask because then she’ll (later) say that I didn’t want her to go.

I don’t want her to wait too long.

In the meanwhile, I get these vague text messages from my mother with updates. And I call her for explanations which she gives, grudgingly. An hour later I get yet another text message. She’s giving me info one drop at a time.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t understand what my role is supposed to be in this.

And I am truly worried that, while I figure it out, I’m screwing things up.

Falling in Love (infographic)

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Finding love in the digital age (infographic)

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by lizzi63.
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Online Dating Profile Lies! (infographic)

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Online dating facts (infographic)

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How millions are using their computers to find love (infographic)

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by huyendinh.
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Who’s most likely to lie on their dating profiles? (infographic)

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