I want the things that are bad for me
I really only have two vices: Diet Coke and coffee. I don’t drink Diet Coke because of the “diet” part; I got stuck on the taste years ago and never got to switch back. I don’t even indulge in the fancy coffee; I go for the plain coffee with Sweet ‘n Low and creamer. No half-caff with a shot and extra foam for me; I’m a cup of Joe kind of girl. I like what I like.
I’ve been counting my cans, keeping track of how much of these two liquids I consume. It’s the very least I can do.
I’ve managed to keep my coffee intake down by sheer will, and shame. I don’t want to be that person who makes a second pot of coffee in the afternoon. And I don’t usually get to have more than two cups in the morning because I have to share the pot with others.
This is actually much better than I used to be. Once upon a time I used to brew a pot of coffee in the morning. I would drink a cup and pour the rest in a thermos to take to work. Then I slowly emptied out the thermos, once cup at a time throughout the day. The last cup of coffee usually was sometime around 4 pm. Then I drank black tea in the evening at home. And that was on top of the many Diet Cokes I had throughout the day.
I am blessed, or cursed, with that ADD quirk that makes coffee something to calm me. It doesn’t make me hyper, it makes me calm. The only reason that I start to cut back is because my stomach starts to complain. My body knows it’s bad for me, even if my brain doesn’t want to acknowledge it.
So, I really am doing much better than I used to… but, I know from experience, it’s really easy to work my way up to that again.
I’ve been going through twice as many Diet Coke cans as is normal for me these days. I can’t pretend that I’m not. I buy enough for the week and I’m finishing the stock halfway through the week. And, instead of switching to water or something else, just make a mid-week stop at the corner store and buy more. I pretend not to notice.
I have, however, decided that I can have all the coffee and Diet Coke I want. I’m not allowing myself the $400 purse, the new clothes, the trip to Las Vegas that my girlfriends are doing next Spring, or the many other things I want. I think overindulging on caffeinated drinks is okay for now.
Tomorrow, we may have another conversation about this. Maybe after I’ve given in and bought the $400 purse.
***** Written on my ipad. I promise to proof and edit it later (maybe). ******
About Paloma Cruz
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