I didn’t know I wanted that until you told me I couldn’t have it
For the most part, I let my career just sort of happen. It was aimless, but successful.
In my own way I’ve achieved a certain level of… limited renown for my area of expertise (under my other, everyday name). And that, too, has just sort of happened.
I’m wondering now if that was a mistake.
I heard someone say once that regret is just wondering about the roads not taken. That’s what I’ve been doing lately, wallowing in regret. Wondering what would have happened if I had done this thing or that thing,
Many of the decisions I’ve taken were influenced by factors that were unmovable. I couldn’t not take care of my family. I needed security because if I failed, I took down many people with me.
I didn’t have the options, the freedoms other people enjoyed. And I’ve made peace with it… or at least I thought I had.
Today, I’m not too sure about that.
I am over 40 and many doors are closed to me. There are things I just can’t do, things that are nearly impossible for me now. And after last year, things that are actually impossible for me now.
I’m having moments of regret.
Don’t worry, though. I will eat a slice of chocolate cake and it will go away, at least for a little while.
Photo courtesy http://www.flickr.com/photos/25897810@N00/6814174341.
About Paloma Cruz
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