I’m too sober for this

Woman, Drinking

"I can beat that," I tell my friend, laughing too loud even for the too loud cafe. We've been entertaining each other with funny and funny-because-they're-sad stories from work. I know my next story will win the undeclared competition: "My boss came up to me at a Christmas party and honked my boobs." I can tell I have her attention by the abrupt silence and wide eyes. "A guy?" she asks me, I think already knowing the answer. "Nope," I tell her. "It was a woman." And I smile and pause. "She … [Read more...]

Have I mentioned that there’s something wrong with me?

Woman, Sleeping

I missed a celebration last night because I was asleep. I took some medication and just slept through it. Of course, the argument could be made that I just didn't want to go. (And I didn't.) But I had intended to go, and I didn't. I worked through the night to meet a contract deadline that I'd (somehow) forgotten until reminded. And I mean that I worked until 7 am to finish the documents, construct the paperwork, and send them to the client. But I met my deadline. So, instead of going to a … [Read more...]

I didn’t think this through…

Business, Woman

Today, for the first time, I realized that if even if just half the proposals I've put out get picked up, I'm going to need help. I'll need other professionals, people I trust with higher level work. But I'm going to need warm bodies to attend meetings on my behalf, take pics, update documents, and pretty much just do assisting work. I'm going to need an assistant. That's a scary thought. I don't have the slightest idea how I'll do this. If the proposals get picked up. If I start getting … [Read more...]

An unexpectedly bad day…


Someone needs to explain to me that everything that goes up must come down ... beforeĀ I crash down. {{sigh}} I didn't crash today, but I did have a rough landing. I cracked a filling, again. The same one I cracked last year. And I don't have dental insurance right now because I thought it would be a good idea to quit my job. I'm not out of money yet. Nowhere near, yet. But I'm realizing I'm going to be out of money a lot quicker than I thought. Just a little bit of a depressing thought. … [Read more...]

Trying to reinvent myself


One of the biggest challenges I've been seeing lately is trying to answer questions about my plans for the future, immediate and long-term. I'm unemployed, I should be frantically looking for a new job ... but I'm not. I should have some idea of what I'm going to do for money (a job or freelancing) ... but I don't. I should have some idea of what I would like to do in a business (assuming I "launch" one) ... but I don't. I actually don't know anything right now. It's disconcerting. I give my … [Read more...]

I changed my life … now what?

I changed my life ... now what?

Have you ever wondered what happens the day after "happily ever after?" The day after the revolution? The day after you upend your entire life and change everything? I did that a few weeks ago -- changed my life. Well, sort of ripped it apart a little. Made a change that has an impact on everything. Now I'm wondering what I'm supposed to do next. We identify ourselves a certain way -- by our families, loved ones, careers, achievements, even by our looks -- and we get attached to that way … [Read more...]

Why did I say that?


   I never should have opened my mouth. For two days I've been trying to overcome the overwhelming desire to strike back. It was a petty, mean thought that I knew I would regret.I fought the urge for two days. Then I lost. I opened my mouth and told a tale -- the wrong words to the wrong person. He'll do something, react. He'll hold a grudge, but not against me. And that was the point.I gave in to the petty urge, and now I feel guilty.Guilt guilt guilt. When the chips fall … [Read more...]

So I quit my job today …


I didn't intend to do it. I was going to be professional, calm, adult-like. I was going to update my resume, start to look for a job discretely, find something then leave. It was a plan. I made that decision mid-morning. Then I realized that that idea of going into this workplace on a daily basis was making me hyperventilate. It was making me sick to my stomach. So, then, I realized that I need to quit now. So the plan was that I was going to write my letter of resignation and turn it in … [Read more...]

A mistaken sense of failure


A few years ago I started taking some graphic design classes at the local community college to get in touch with my creativity. The first semester was wonderful. I loved the classes, learned a lot. I'm still using some of the info and techniques I learned in that one semester. The next semester was a disaster. The professor came into the classroom and read from the book for an hour. It. Was. Mind. Numbing. It was boring and I hated it. I wasn't engaged and wasn't learning. I was telling a … [Read more...]

Notice the sarcasm?

Nemo / Pixabay

Okay, so this is going to be kind of a rant... You have been warned. I have this moment of disbelief when someone tells me that they know someone who would be perfect at "doing social media as a job." The statement is usually followed by an explanation that this person is on all the networks, spends a lot of time on them, has a lot of friends, and "knows what they're doing." The disbelief is followed by a burst of amusement. This is the equivalent of saying that someone is qualified to … [Read more...]