I’m too sober for this

Woman, Drinking

"I can beat that," I tell my friend, laughing too loud even for the too loud cafe. We've been entertaining each other with funny and funny-because-they're-sad stories from work. I know my next story will win the undeclared competition: "My boss came up to me at a Christmas party and honked my boobs." I can tell I have her attention by the abrupt silence and wide eyes. "A guy?" she asks me, I think already knowing the answer. "Nope," I tell her. "It was a woman." And I smile and pause. "She … [Read more...]

Have I mentioned that there’s something wrong with me?

Woman, Sleeping

I missed a celebration last night because I was asleep. I took some medication and just slept through it. Of course, the argument could be made that I just didn't want to go. (And I didn't.) But I had intended to go, and I didn't. I worked through the night to meet a contract deadline that I'd (somehow) forgotten until reminded. And I mean that I worked until 7 am to finish the documents, construct the paperwork, and send them to the client. But I met my deadline. So, instead of going to a … [Read more...]

The things my friends may not know about me

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I'm easily distracted. I'll pick up my phone to look for something and realize ten minutes later, after putting it down, that I didn't look for the item. I'm very bad with money. I get a little bit and the compulsion to spend it is immediate and often almost overwhelming. I'm shocked I've managed to save any money at all. I don't remember what I wore yesterday, or last week, or to the last gala. When I work in an office I keep a journal documenting what I wore and when. Otherwise I run the … [Read more...]

I am my own worst critic, A.K.A. who is that fat girl in the photo?

I am my own worst critic, A.K.A. who is that fat girl in the photo? (more info at palomacruz.com)

"Big." "Chunky." "Plus-sized."┬áThese are all words my loved ones would use to describe my appearance. Others would just call me "fat." The medical community would use the word "obese." Strangers and acquaintances alike take it upon themselves to try to shame me, to make me understand the way that I'm destroying the world by insisting on being fat. There's an entire industry (several, in fact) dedicated to trying to solve this problem for me. And I'm told every day, in many many ways, that if … [Read more...]

Sometimes I sound like my sister

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  It's a running joke in my family that my sister is ... well ... high maintenance I think is the polite version. We've used other words within the family, but most of them are not suitable for the blog, so I won't go there. I love her. We all love her. But, she wants what she wants in the way she wants it. No deviations are permitted. No small changes are allowed. No excuses are accepted.  She picks the restaurant. She chooses the cake. She decides the time. And she has veto … [Read more...]

Love at first sight

joakant / Pixabay

From the first date, the first day they met he was different with her than with all the ones that came before. She would find out later that it was unusual behavior for him to go pick up his date, to bring her presents, to surprise her, to woo her. To her, this was just the way all of her boyfriends behaved. To him this was just different. "How do you get him to do that?" her friend would ask when he did the wooing things. And my sister would look at her, baffled, not understanding the … [Read more...]

High School Sweethearts

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This is a semi-fictional story. He was her first kiss. Her first real date. Her first boyfriend. Her first love. He was the first boy she introduced to her parents. The first guy who was allowed into her room. The first one to really get her. They went to different high schools, but were both entering junior year when they met while working at the same summer job. It was his goofy sense of humor, she will tell you, that she first noticed. He made her laugh. It was, however, his exceptional … [Read more...]

The Unexpected Love Story

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This is a semi-fictional story. He had been her best friend since middle school, the boy next door. In high school he taught her to roller skate and drove her home after school, since he had a car and she didn't. He was her best bud at the college they both attended. He sat in the bride's side of the chapel when she got married. He served her tequila shots and junk food while she recovered from her divorce. It was during one of these tequila-induced "damn the soulless bastard" evenings that … [Read more...]

The May-December story

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This is a semi-fictional story. J is quite clear that what brought them together was the sex. She's actually rather defensive as she says that he was the best lover she's ever had, and that it was him pursuing her that resulted in the two of them getting together instead of the other way around. And so you'll end up in a conversation about his creativity, when all you wanted to know was whether or not he was a nice guy. I understand the attitude, the automatic walls, since I've seen how others … [Read more...]