I am my own worst critic, A.K.A. who is that fat girl in the photo?

I am my own worst critic, A.K.A. who is that fat girl in the photo? (more info at palomacruz.com)

"Big." "Chunky." "Plus-sized."┬áThese are all words my loved ones would use to describe my appearance. Others would just call me "fat." The medical community would use the word "obese." Strangers and acquaintances alike take it upon themselves to try to shame me, to make me understand the way that I'm destroying the world by insisting on being fat. There's an entire industry (several, in fact) dedicated to trying to solve this problem for me. And I'm told every day, in many many ways, that if … [Read more...]

I changed my life … now what?

I changed my life ... now what?

Have you ever wondered what happens the day after "happily ever after?" The day after the revolution? The day after you upend your entire life and change everything? I did that a few weeks ago -- changed my life. Well, sort of ripped it apart a little. Made a change that has an impact on everything. Now I'm wondering what I'm supposed to do next. We identify ourselves a certain way -- by our families, loved ones, careers, achievements, even by our looks -- and we get attached to that way … [Read more...]

What happens in the dim bar…

sharonang / Pixabay

At some point in the conversation I realize that he's been flirting with intent. I look at this man across the table from me, too young and too beautiful, and I smile at him. And then it dawns on me that he's been waiting for me to make the next move. We're sitting in a fashionable but semi-deserted hotel bar where I've been been entertaining him for the past few hours with the unfiltered words that tend to color my conversations. Really, he's just been my attentive audience for most of it. … [Read more...]

A mistaken sense of failure


A few years ago I started taking some graphic design classes at the local community college to get in touch with my creativity. The first semester was wonderful. I loved the classes, learned a lot. I'm still using some of the info and techniques I learned in that one semester. The next semester was a disaster. The professor came into the classroom and read from the book for an hour. It. Was. Mind. Numbing. It was boring and I hated it. I wasn't engaged and wasn't learning. I was telling a … [Read more...]

Love at first sight

joakant / Pixabay

From the first date, the first day they met he was different with her than with all the ones that came before. She would find out later that it was unusual behavior for him to go pick up his date, to bring her presents, to surprise her, to woo her. To her, this was just the way all of her boyfriends behaved. To him this was just different. "How do you get him to do that?" her friend would ask when he did the wooing things. And my sister would look at her, baffled, not understanding the … [Read more...]

High School Sweethearts


This is a semi-fictional story. He was her first kiss. Her first real date. Her first boyfriend. Her first love. He was the first boy she introduced to her parents. The first guy who was allowed into her room. The first one to really get her. They went to different high schools, but were both entering junior year when they met while working at the same summer job. It was his goofy sense of humor, she will tell you, that she first noticed. He made her laugh. It was, however, his exceptional … [Read more...]

The Unexpected Love Story


This is a semi-fictional story. He had been her best friend since middle school, the boy next door. In high school he taught her to roller skate and drove her home after school, since he had a car and she didn't. He was her best bud at the college they both attended. He sat in the bride's side of the chapel when she got married. He served her tequila shots and junk food while she recovered from her divorce. It was during one of these tequila-induced "damn the soulless bastard" evenings that … [Read more...]

The May-December story


This is a semi-fictional story. J is quite clear that what brought them together was the sex. She's actually rather defensive as she says that he was the best lover she's ever had, and that it was him pursuing her that resulted in the two of them getting together instead of the other way around. And so you'll end up in a conversation about his creativity, when all you wanted to know was whether or not he was a nice guy. I understand the attitude, the automatic walls, since I've seen how others … [Read more...]

Oblivious… really


Yesterday was the State of the Union address and I didn't even know until this morning. The state swore in a new governor this week, and I only knew because I heard about it the next day on the radio. I'm very disconnected right now. Oblivious to what's happening in the world around me, unless it's related to work and (just a bit) to family. That's just not right. I need to do better. I haven't even been spending time with friends. Bad bad bad. … [Read more...]