Currently Browsing: Health
Jun 19, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Jun 19, 2013 in General, Health | 0 comments
In my world, bad days can be measured in catastrophes. They can also be measured in emptiness.
I had an empty day.
I stared into nothing, looked up and found that it was hours later. I do not remember the time in between.
This was the kind of day when I would have, once upon a time, locked myself in a room and read and written until the mood passed. I would have tried to find the words to communicate the disconnected fuzzy feeling in my brain until it made some sense… or until it went away.
I had an empty day.
In my life I have developed a lot of tricks to dealing with my personality quirks. I don’t recognize people, don’t remember names, can’t remember what I wore last week, cannot tell you the names of my assistant’s children or grandchildren… etc., etc. I can recall entire conversations almost word for word, pull comments made at a staff meeting last year from my memory, concentrate on several things at once with good recall… etc., etc.
My productivity levels are sometimes a roller coaster. I have my really good days and I have my mediocre days. But, as a friend is fond of telling me, “Your ‘early’ is other people’s ‘normal.’ Your ‘slow’ is other people’s ‘busy.’” I judge myself against my most workaholic, sprinting, frenzied best and often come up short.
I fill my days with things to do because that’s the way I ensure that things get done. The more I attempt, the more I accomplish. Clearing my schedule only means that the few things that remain on it won’t get done. I know myself.
My empty days are few and far between. They are the aberration, the pause, the moment between breaths, that instant before you start running again.
I had an empty day. And now it’s over.
Photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/36495803@N05/8270154601/
Jun 18, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Jun 18, 2013 in Family & Friends, General, Health | 0 comments
There comes a point at which you have to own up to your failings. Today I reached mine.
Many months ago I made a commitment on a project. And then I completely failed to hold up my end. I flaked in the most monumental way possible. I delivered nothing, I created nothing, and I don’t have any reasonable reason why.
I’ve been doing this for months on many things. Usually I pull myself up and get back on track. I use years of accumulated goodwill to get me by. And I survive for another day.
That didn’t happen here.
I fretted and worried about this particular project every day (that’s how overdue it was). I obsessed over when and how I was going to work on it. Then I didn’t. Over and over, I just didn’t.
I kept apologizing. I kept promising to do better. I kep telling myself and others that I would deliver, soon. And it kept being a lie.
Today I lost a friendship because I sabotaged it. Today I lost a project because I sabotaged it. And I don’t know why.
Photo via http://www.flickr.com/photos/37171504@N00/3267164904/
May 5, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on May 5, 2013 in Health | 0 comments
Monday, April 29
I forgot to have breakfast. Or rather, I stayed up really late, so I overslept. I didn’t have time to have breakfast. Though I did stop to get my coffee. You have to have priorities.
No more updates
I may have to stop pre-scheduling these updates, unless I can keep up with them.
Apr 22, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Apr 22, 2013 in Health | 0 comments
I went to an event over the weekend and was feeling good about myself — I wore a nice dress, heels (without incurring injury), and had a nice time. All in all, it was great.
Until I saw the photos.
Why is it always such a shock to see myself, the real “outside” self, in photos? I’m always taken by surprise by my size, the shape of my face, the fact that I’m bigger than almost everyone else in the photos.
Who is the fat girl in the photo?
The ironic thing is that almost as soon as I step away from the photo, the dismay disappears. It only reappears at odd moments like when I have to weigh in at the doctor’s office, sit in an airline seat, try on new clothes and look at the size of what actually fits (instead of what I think is going to fit).
I know that I could not live with that level of self… disapproval, with the constant feeling of disappointment in myself. But I do wonder: if I did feel like that all the time, would I be more motivated to lose weight?
{{Sigh}}
Even if I did lose the weight, the photos are forever.
***** Written on my ipad. I promise to proof and edit it later (maybe). ******
Apr 7, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Apr 7, 2013 in Health | 0 comments
I didn’t track my food.
I didn’t keep a food log.
I didn’t bother weighing myself.
I went off the rails in a big way.
If I belonged to an overeaters group this is when I’d be looking for a meeting.
That is all.
Mar 31, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Mar 31, 2013 in Health | 0 comments
Monday, March 25, 2013
8:00 a.m.
I lost two pounds last week. This is good news considering that I was “relaxed” over the weekend. I didn’t binge, but I also didn’t have as many vegetables as I should have.
I did manage to make it to the grocery store yesterday. I need to find another place to shop. The fresh vegetable selection at my nearest grocery place is minimal. I miss the store I used to have when I lived in Montrose.
1:00 p.m.
Lunch today was leftovers from dinner last night, which was based on leftovers from lunch out yesterday: pineapple shrimp fried rice. I added broccoli slaw to the rice, onions and peppers, as well as ginger and white wine vinegar, and made the dish into something I could bring with me for lunch. Not the most nutritious lunch, but better than it could have been.
8:00 p.m.
Dinner was Thai chicken noodle salad. I sautéed the chicken and noodles in a wine vinegar/Sriracha combo that results in spicy Thai noodle salad. It was really good. I will need to make it again.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I went to a happy hour event and had too many drinks and indulged in bar food. I had lots of fun. The diet did not go with me to this event.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
9:00 a.m.
I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning. The scale is showing the effects of last night. Why is it that one single meal, one celebration, can undo an entire week of being good?
1:00 p.m.
Lunch was a homemade green salad and a grilled chicken sandwich on sourdough. Boring, boring, boring.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Today lunch was after 3 p.m. I’ve got to stop doing that.
Mar 28, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Mar 28, 2013 in General, Health | 0 comments
It’s 2 a.m. (or so) and I am awake. Wide awake. And not because I’m having fun.
I learned a while ago that my most creative hours are after the time when most people go to sleep. It’s not unusual for me to be up at midnight, or 1 a.m. Often it’s because I’m working on something specific. Or beause I’m watching something on television.
My night owl tendencies never bothered me. I lack of sleep never impacted the next day. But that’s no longer the case.
After last year’s surgery, my sleeping patterns changed. Now I don’t go to sleep early because I can’t. And the next day I am zombie-like.
So I sit here, with a video running on my ipad, surfing my networks, keeping busy and watching the clock.
It keeps getting later and later. And I know that in a few hours I will have to “be up.”
{{Groan}} What am I doing up?
* * *
Credits:
Mar 26, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Mar 26, 2013 in General, Health | 0 comments
Making good food choices is a daily challenge. If I have a stressful day, I want food. If I’m feeling depressed, I want food. In fact, food is one of the first things I turn to regardless of the reason.
I especially crave breads and potatoes. But I don’t react well to them
There’s a barbecue place within a block or so from my office. It’s an easy walk. And they are open past 2pm, which is a big deal downtown. Because I often wait until after the regular lunch hour to actually eat lunch, I end up here a lot.
Pictured here is today’s lunch. By no stretch of the imagination is this the healthiest or lowest-calorie lunch I could have had here. They have hearty salads with low-fat dressing. I’ve blogged about them in the past (or included them in my weekly updates). But today I wanted something different.
What I wish this picture showed was a turkey poboy with fries. (They have the best fries here.) What you will see here is that I opted for the turkey plate with baked beans and the cucumber salad (or you would have seen the beans and cucumbers if I’d taken the photo before eating). You also will see here that I added barbecue sauce and lots of pickles. What you won’t see is bread.
I am eating bread; that is, I haven’t given it up completely. But I have opted to only eat bread sparingly. Not everyday. Not multiple times a day. And not as an “added on” to a regular meal.
I have bread in sandwiches. I have tortillas in tacos. And that’s pretty much it.
I miss it. I really really miss it. I wanted a few slices of bread to soak up the barbecue sauce. I wanted the option of making an on-the-spot sandwich with the turkey slices, with extra pickles
I just wanted bread with my meal. I still want it.
I think that dinner today is going to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with a side of apple slices. Maybe I can hold out my bread craving until then.
Mar 24, 2013
Posted by Paloma Cruz on Mar 24, 2013 in Health | 0 comments
I had a good week.
Monday, March 18, 2013
I am being friends with Weight Watchers this week. Trying to keep away from things that are bad for me (lots of breads, fried foods, sugar) and loading up on veggies and simple foods.
Today I opted for honey mustard dressing instead of the full-fat blue cheese I’d much prefer. Sometimes I have to celebrate the little choices.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Is two days in a row of being good too early to celebrate? I´m going to count this is a win even though today I did choose the blue cheese dressing.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I started cooking again. Even though my refrigerator and cupboards look bare, I had the ingredients for a healthy dinner: grilled chicken and black beans with onions and peppers. As a treat I added in some feta cheese. It was delicious.
I also went ahead and made a small “meat loaf” for tomorrow night. Basically, I mixed ground meat with a packet of mushroom/onion soup then cooked it as a large patty. The soup packet has more sodium than I’d prefer, but the loaf will be ready for dinner tomorrow. That counts as planning, right?
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The meatloaf was good. I paired it with creamed spinach: chopped spinach sautéed with olive oil, minced garlic, garam masala, laughing cow cheese and a dash of fat-free goat cheese. Delicious, and I kept under my points for the day.
Today I decided that God is just going to have to forgive me: I had coffee.
Friday, March 22, 2013
I’ve managed to keep tracking my food all week. That’s a first in a long while. I think that as long as I keep doing that, truthfully, I may manage to keep on track. The goal is one pound per week. That’s it, just one pound lost per week. I can do that. I’m almost completely certain of it.
What I wanted to have for lunch: a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a Diet Coke.
What I actually had for lunch: grilled lemon pepper fish with a side of green beans, and a Diet Coke.
