The voices in my head are loud

Girl, Ice

I look at the phone, trying to talk myself into the call I know I need to make. "I won't! I won't!" cries the two-year-old in my head. She is, I'm sure, holding an ice cream cone that's dripping down one side with 'splat! splat!' sounds while making a petulant scowl. "I don't hafta!" "It wasn't my fault! I didn't do this! Why should I be the one to fix it?" huffs the angermonster who is supposed to be locked up but is actually roaming around, bumping into everyone else. "I will not be the … [Read more...]

Have I mentioned that there’s something wrong with me?

Woman, Sleeping

I missed a celebration last night because I was asleep. I took some medication and just slept through it. Of course, the argument could be made that I just didn't want to go. (And I didn't.) But I had intended to go, and I didn't. I worked through the night to meet a contract deadline that I'd (somehow) forgotten until reminded. And I mean that I worked until 7 am to finish the documents, construct the paperwork, and send them to the client. But I met my deadline. So, instead of going to a … [Read more...]

The things my friends may not know about me


I'm easily distracted. I'll pick up my phone to look for something and realize ten minutes later, after putting it down, that I didn't look for the item. I'm very bad with money. I get a little bit and the compulsion to spend it is immediate and often almost overwhelming. I'm shocked I've managed to save any money at all. I don't remember what I wore yesterday, or last week, or to the last gala. When I work in an office I keep a journal documenting what I wore and when. Otherwise I run the … [Read more...]

An unexpectedly bad day…


Someone needs to explain to me that everything that goes up must come down ... before¬†I crash down. {{sigh}} I didn't crash today, but I did have a rough landing. I cracked a filling, again. The same one I cracked last year. And I don't have dental insurance right now because I thought it would be a good idea to quit my job. I'm not out of money yet. Nowhere near, yet. But I'm realizing I'm going to be out of money a lot quicker than I thought. Just a little bit of a depressing thought. … [Read more...]

I am my own worst critic, A.K.A. who is that fat girl in the photo?

I am my own worst critic, A.K.A. who is that fat girl in the photo? (more info at

"Big." "Chunky." "Plus-sized."¬†These are all words my loved ones would use to describe my appearance. Others would just call me "fat." The medical community would use the word "obese." Strangers and acquaintances alike take it upon themselves to try to shame me, to make me understand the way that I'm destroying the world by insisting on being fat. There's an entire industry (several, in fact) dedicated to trying to solve this problem for me. And I'm told every day, in many many ways, that if … [Read more...]

Letting the world get to me

PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

I'm sitting here trying to center myself. I am scheduled to speak in a few hours at a big conference. It's kind of a big deal and I was thrilled to get asked. I felt honored. Today it's hard to connect with that feeling. My new job has robbed me of all the joy from this experience. From making me feel guilty for taking the day, to making it impossible for me to make it to the conference. Just getting in to the conference was an exercise in frustration. The nice volunteer who checked me … [Read more...]

Apologies are required

WikiImages / Pixabay

I owe you an apology, I know. I've rehearsed it in my head, the words I will use, the tone of voice and the subtle "I'm sorry" it will include. I owe you an apology, I know. But you're probably never getting it. My father used to do this thing where he blew up, he would make mountains out of molehills, leaving us baffled over his extreme reaction to small things. As I've grown up I've realized he was reacting to other things, but that was never any consolation. He never apologized. He … [Read more...]


Giuliamar / Pixabay

I just learned that the doctors have given in -- they've told my family that there's nothing else they can do for my grandmother. She's too weak to survive any more treatment or the surgery. My mother is devastated, though she says she already knew this was coming. But I know that you're never really ready for your parent to die. My grandmother is being placed in a hospice for end of life care. They are going to try and "make her comfortable," but they've told my family that they need to … [Read more...]

Dangerous spider bites (infographic)

I am afraid of spiders. It's a phobia. It's a family joke. It's something that defies logic and wisdom. With that knowledge I share this infographic, letting me know which spiders are actually dangerous and which aren't. (Even though, in my mind, they all are.) Explore more infographics like this one on the web's largest information design community - Visually.   * * * Having trouble viewing this infographic? Click here to visit the original. … [Read more...]