There comes a point at which you have to own up to your failings. Today I reached mine.
Many months ago I made a commitment on a project. And then I completely failed to hold up my end. I flaked in the most monumental way possible. I delivered nothing, I created nothing, and I don’t have any reasonable reason why.
I’ve been doing this for months on many things. Usually I pull myself up and get back on track. I use years of accumulated goodwill to get me by. And I survive for another day.
That didn’t happen here.
I fretted and worried about this particular project every day (that’s how overdue it was). I obsessed over when and how I was going to work on it. Then I didn’t. Over and over, I just didn’t.
I kept apologizing. I kept promising to do better. I kep telling myself and others that I would deliver, soon. And it kept being a lie.
Today I lost a friendship because I sabotaged it. Today I lost a project because I sabotaged it. And I don’t know why.