Today is the day I’m supposed to do an end-of-month inventory on my goals. But I won’t, I know it. I’ve been avoiding looking at my status against what I’m supposed to be accomplishing.
I don’t want to know.
I haven’t reached my financial goals, I know without even looking. I haven’t achieved my weight loss goals, I know without even looking. I haven’t reached my professional goals, I just know. I don’t need to see it on a sheet of paper to know that.
I worked really hard to make sure that the goals I set this year were realistic. And I’m still falling short.
What’s my problem? If I had a therapist, this is the part where I’d moan about my counter-productive attitudes, my self-destructive tendencies.
The good thing is that these tendencies never make it into my workplace. No matter how much my personal time is wrecked by my personal foibles, they don’t seep into my job. I get my work done, and done well, regardless of what I have to suffer through to make it happen.
A friend of mine convinced me to start the program through “An Artist’s Way at Work.” I’m finding that the daily pages are getting my creative juices flowing. The words that were stuck in my brain, in my throat, are getting out in the pages of my journal, and now in here.
Unfortunately, I’m being slow in actually posting the words, but I am writing them.
Just losing the weight I have lost required tremendous willpower, especially as the people around me were ever-so-subtly attempting to sabotage my commitment. I don’t know if they were aware that that’s what they were doing, but it is. And I survived it.
Thankfully, the sabotage attempts from family have stopped. They seem to understand that I am fully committed to seeing this through.