I’m too sober for this

“I can beat that,” I tell my friend, laughing too loud even for the too loud cafe. We’ve been entertaining each other with funny and funny-because-they’re-sad stories from work. I know my next story will win the undeclared competition: “My boss came up to me at a Christmas party and honked my boobs.”

I can tell I have her attention by the abrupt silence and wide eyes. “A guy?” she asks me, I think already knowing the answer.

“Nope,” I tell her. “It was a woman.” And I smile and pause. “She was very very drunk, but that’s what she did. She came up to me and, well, honked my boobs.”

“What did you do?” she asks me, her tone a mixture of disbelief and disgust.

“She realized what she did and apologized. And I moved away from her quickly. If it had been a guy I might have made a bigger deal about it. I wasn’t actually sure what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to react. It wasn’t sexual, but it was inappropriate.” I sigh and add, “It didn’t help that I was completely sober. I thought my face was going to burst into flames I turned so red with embarrassment. And I couldn’t even hide behind a nice buzz.”

My friend and I talk a bit, marveling at the awkward situation I just told her about … and she’d been the first person to hear that story, except of course for the dozen or so people who actually saw the boob-honking happen. And now, all of you.

“I should have realized then and there that our working relationship was doomed, when she honked my boobs and thought a laughing drunken apology would wipe the slate clean. Because, really, how do you get past something like that?”

And, of course, I win the worst-story-from-work contest we’ve got going. But, in this case, I really don’t think that’s a good thing.

Have I mentioned that there’s something wrong with me?

I missed a celebration last night because I was asleep. I took some medication and just slept through it. Of course, the argument could be made that I just didn’t want to go. (And I didn’t.) But I had intended to go, and I didn’t.

I worked through the night to meet a contract deadline that I’d (somehow) forgotten until reminded. And I mean that I worked until 7 am to finish the documents, construct the paperwork, and send them to the client. But I met my deadline.

So, instead of going to a morning breakfast event, I opted to get some sleep. I was supposed to have three more meetings today, and I figured I’d need at least a few hours sleep before tackling the rest of my day. So I missed an event where I could have (possibly) made contact with someone who is a work lead. I needed at least a little bit of sleep.

Of course, two of my three appointments cancelled during the morning. I could have gone to the morning event and gone home to sleep before my evening appointment. But I lost my chance. And my day went sideways.

The worst part is that I didn’t even get to get that much sleep. Just three hours after falling asleep I was woken up by my sister who reminded me that she and I had agreed to go shopping today. Instead we went to lunch, but sleep was over.

Somehow, I think, I could have managed my time better. Somehow I need to do better.

Image source: alinanatasa / Pixabay

I didn’t think this through…

Today, for the first time, I realized that if even if just half the proposals I’ve put out get picked up, I’m going to need help. I’ll need other professionals, people I trust with higher level work. But I’m going to need warm bodies to attend meetings on my behalf, take pics, update documents, and pretty much just do assisting work.

I’m going to need an assistant. That’s a scary thought.

I don’t have the slightest idea how I’ll do this. If the proposals get picked up. If I start getting paid enough that I can pay others. If, if, if …

Why didn’t I realize this sooner? I think I had a mental block about it. The entire “being an entrepreneur” process has produced some sort of block in my normal processes. I just don’t want to take next steps. I just don’t want to do what needs to be done.

Can I just get paid to watch Netflix while I update my social networks? Wait, I can … just not enough to pay my bills … at least not yet.

If I do have to hire people, I’ll deal with it. That’s what employment agencies are for.

Now I’m going to hope to make enough money to pay my bills and still have enough to pay for help.

Image source: Kaboompics / Pixabay

An unexpectedly bad day…

The best things in life are free  ... www.palomacruz.com
Someone needs to explain to me that everything that goes up must come down … before I crash down. {{sigh}} I didn’t crash today, but I did have a rough landing.

I cracked a filling, again. The same one I cracked last year. And I don’t have dental insurance right now because I thought it would be a good idea to quit my job.

I’m not out of money yet. Nowhere near, yet. But I’m realizing I’m going to be out of money a lot quicker than I thought.

Just a little bit of a depressing thought.  I’ll be better once my tooth has stopped aching; so I’ll be better next week.

Trying to reinvent myself

Reinventing Myself (more info at www.palomacruz.com)

One of the biggest challenges I’ve been seeing lately is trying to answer questions about my plans for the future, immediate and long-term. I’m unemployed, I should be frantically looking for a new job … but I’m not. I should have some idea of what I’m going to do for money (a job or freelancing) … but I don’t. I should have some idea of what I would like to do in a business (assuming I “launch” one) … but I don’t. I actually don’t know anything right now. It’s disconcerting.

I give my family and friends a lot of credit, they’re being very supportive. They haven’t started to freak out on me yet. They haven’t started to push yet.

I’m pretty sure I don’t want another job, but I haven’t “decided” that yet. I’m pretty sure that I want to start my own business, but I haven’t taken the first steps to make that happen. I know that I want to do more fun things and to be more visible in offline events; this is one thing I have actually started to do.

I have started to rebrand myself, from a new cut and new clothes, to changing the type of writing I’m doing and reassessing what I want to show professionally. I think this may be my first step. But I need to establish some timelines; I can’t spent too long finding myself. At some point bills need to get paid.